For your meta considerations, I present to you: a Tired™ Appliance Salesperson’s guide to Hannibal Lecter’s Kitchen Appliances.
First up, the rangetop. Unlike a cooktop, which sets into a pre-cut space in a counter or island, a rangetop overflows the sides and extends beyond the boundaries of the counter with front-facing knobs. This unit in particular is the GE Monogram 36″ Rangetop (ZGU366NPSS), with an MSRP of $3400, reversible grates, and six 18,000 BTU power boil burners.
Next, a dual installation of30″ GE Monogram Tri-Zone Counter-Depth Integrated Refrigerators (ZIC30GNHII, shown with optional custom panels for seamless appearance). With an MSRP of $6999 each, these units are made more shallow, known in the industry as counter-depth, to integrate properly with standard cabinetry. Featuring fridge, freezer, and convertible middle-drawer climate zones, this unit has a capacity of 14.09 cu. ft. overall, per unit. It has two separate sealed systems for constant temperature control, and uses the first HFC-Free refrigerant, which has a lower global-warming impact.
A 30″ GE Monogram European Convection Double Wall Oven (ZET2SHSS). An MSRP of $5300, with two 5.0 cu. ft. capacity oven cavities. With easy-to-clean all-glass interior door panels, both self-clean and steam-clean options, ten-pass baking elements, and two True European Convection ovens, these units boast convection bake and roast features with closed-door broiling as to not overheat a kitchen, and a built-in temperature probe for perfectly cooked roasts. It also offers a proof mode to assist dough-rising for avid bakers, convection conversion as to not overcook standard recipes, can be monitored remotely with use of a smart phone and GE’s WiFi Connect app, and is programmable in both Celsius and Fahrenheit.
Ok. Admittedly, even as an appliance person, this is one dope ass wall oven.
Behold, the GE Monogram 240v Built In Oven with Advantium Speedcook Technology (ZSC2201JSS). This bad chicken has an MSRP of $3200 and has settings for Speedcook, microwave, convection, and warming. What the hell is Speedcook? It’s a combination of microwaves and convection, delivering results up to eight times faster than conventional cooking, and without the need for pre-heating. This thing can reheat, microwave, toast, brown, bake, and gently warm to your heart’s content, and has the ability to remember custom recipes.
Next up, the 30″ GE Monogram Warming Drawer (ZW9000SJSS). With an MSRP of $1600, this drawer has a 1.9 cu. ft. capacity, and has variable temperature settings of anything from 75*F to 230*F, and humidity controls from crisp to moist. Gross. It also has a half-rack so you can store more on the inside, and has ball-bearing glides so it pulls out and closes smoothly while making that soothing whoosh noise.
We also have the 24″ GE Monogram Undercabinet Wine Reserve (ZDWR240HBS), for when simply calling it a goddamn wine cooler is not enough. With a cool MSRP of $2000, undercabinet wine refrigerators are notoriously tricky because of their front-facing venting needs. If you suffocate refrigerators, even small ones, (like humans) they die. This fridge features cooling settings suitable to red or white wines, full-extension sliding racks with both horizontal and vertical storage, and has a capacity of 5.5 cu. ft, or 57 bottles.
Hannibal also, apparently, does not believe in dishwashers—panel-ready, drawer-style or otherwise.
God only knows what kind of coffee beans the man uses.
The beans are people.
Happy cooking, Fannibals!
I got chills reading this and imagining Hannibal giving sales people the evil eye when they try to sell him low quality appliences like in Legally Blonde…..
